The great myth of being single and full of sexual passion is that getting married answers all the questions and solves all the problems related to sex. Sexual pressure morning, noon, or night? No problem – just have sex with your spouse! Finally, no more waiting!
Except, it’s not that easy, is it? There are many times in marriage that spouses have to wait, or the wife/husband just says “no”, regardless of the sexual intensity their partner happens to be feeling in the moment. The reality is, there are lots legitimate reasons a couple will have to wait, sometimes for days, to come together again. As every married couple knows, those can be some tough days. (And, I hear you, single men/women . . . you’re thinking, “Tell me about it!” It’s very tough for you, too. God sees you. Please seek His solution to your sexual needs, not your own.)
But, there are many illegitimate reasons for withholding sex, too. At times, a husband or wife will decide to withhold themselves from their spouse for altogether wrong, unbiblical reasons. Has this happened in your marriage? Have you been the person who has said (is saying) “no” to your husband/wife? Are you struggling with this right now?
What does the Bible have to say about spouses withholding sex from each other? When is it okay to say “no” and when is it wrong to withhold sex from your husband/wife? The answer may surprise you! And, if you’re the person who is being cut off, what should you do?
The real tragedy is that spouses often have no idea what they are actually doing when they wrongly withhold themselves from their husband/wife. What feels like power, protection, or punishment in the moment (he/she deserved it, right?) always leads further and further away from the relationship God intended for you both.
Whether you’re the person withholding or the person being withheld from, what should you do? We’re having a great discussion today on FAITHFUL LIFE podcast on this very topic. Join the conversation and ask yourself, is my thinking on this topic in line with what the Bible teaches? Remember, no matter how we feel, God’s way is always the path of blessing. Based on the choices you are making about sex with your husband or wife, where is your marriage heading this week?
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Are you being purposeful in how you use the power of your words to speak encouragement, strength, and love–breathing life into the heart of your spouse? Or are careless words having a negative impact on your marriage and on the heart of the one you love most?
We want you and your spouse to discover the powerful ways you can build one another up in love with the words that you choose to say every day–words that every husband and wife need to hear. These marriage books offer you 100 Things to say to your husband or wife that deeply encourage, affirm, and inspire.
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Matt Jacobson is a biblical marriage coach and founder of FaithfulMan.com a biblical marriage, parenting, and discipleship ministry providing written and audio teaching, as well as couples marriage coaching. He is the co-host (with his wife, Lisa) of Faithful Life Podcast and is author of the bestseller, 100 Ways to Love Your Wife. Matt is pastor of Tumalo Bible Fellowship and is married to Lisa, founder of Club31Women.com (they have 8 kids!).