Recharged and refilled or dry and empty . . . which one will your wife be based on your care of her heart this week? Your needs are being met but, are hers? A pitcher of water and your wife are alike. Both pour out until they are empty. Anyone can refill the pitcher but who will refill your wife? Who should refill your wife? How does she keep her emotional reservoir full? Many wives keep pouring out until they are dry and empty inside. Is this happening in your marriage?
It’s easy to think your wife is built just like you – she can soldier on day after day for weeks without meaningful, loving care. It’s also easy to fall into the thinking pattern that ‘my wife is emotionally needy. She’s constantly wanting my time and attention, even though I give her my attention all the time.’
First of all, we need to recognize that our “all the time” and her “all the time” are two completely different things. It doesn’t always work out this way, but in most marriages the guy needs far less connection and communication than his wife does.
Yes, you took her out last week (great move!), and that connection and the sex you’ve continued to enjoy with her since then has kept you “tanked up.” You don’t need anything more. But for her, last week was . . . well . . . last week. And sex since then – even though she enjoyed being with you – isn’t the only thing she needs to fill her emotional tank.
Your wife can’t remain emotionally and relationally fulfilled on past expressions of your love, commitment and care. For her, the past connection was great, and she appreciated it, but she needs a present connection with you – today, this week, and next because she’s always pouring out.
When a husband is happy with his sex life and his wife doesn’t seem to be upset at anything, he tends to think his wife is happy too. But, just because you’re wife isn’t freaking out doesn’t mean her heart has been well tended and her emotional needs have been met.
A little conversation and regular sex may satisfy you but they will never be enough to give your wife what she needs from you. What if things were reversed and your wife said, “Let’s stop having sex so often. I only need/desire to be with you in bed once every 4 months” You’d be upset because, after all, coming together regularly is what you need.
Emotional connection through meaningful, interested conversation and attention to things that say “Love” to her is every bit as important to her as sex is to you. It’s how she is connected to you at a heart level.
You are getting “filled up”. What are you doing this week to refill your wife’s emotional reservoir? Remember that pitcher? . . . and listen to today’s episode of FAITHFUL LIFE podcast: Marriage Weekend Edition . . .
Matt Jacobson is a biblical marriage coach and founder of FaithfulMan.com a biblical marriage, parenting, and discipleship ministry providing written and audio teaching, as well as couples marriage coaching. He is the co-host (with his wife, Lisa) of Faithful Life Podcast and is author of the bestseller, 100 Ways to Love Your Wife. Matt is pastor of Tumalo Bible Fellowship and is married to Lisa, founder of Club31Women.com (they have 8 kids!).