The Indispensable Husband . . . and how he defeats the Voices Tearing Down His Wife {with free printable}

The Indispensable Husband . . . and how he defeats the Voices Tearing Down His Wife {with free printable}
January 27, 2016 Matthew L. Jacobson


Hello. Maybe we’ve never met formally but, you’ve bumped into me a time or two. In fact, you can’t avoid me because I’m everywhere. My name is 21st Century Culture and I’ve got a lot to say to a lot of different people but let me start with what I like to say to wives and mothers.

I’m disciplined and consistent . . . this is the stuff I say to women every single day:

Hey, it’s me again, 21st Century Culture, remember, the one who defines who you are and establishes your personal worth?

Frankly, girl, you don’t measure up to much of anything that’s important. Seriously, what is your real worth, anyway? All that work around the house to keep it clean and nice . . . whatever! First of all, you’re doing a terrible job but, it’s worse than that . . . managing your home is a total waste of time. You could have had a meaningful life. You could have accomplished something. Instead, you’ve been duped into looking after a home and raising kids. Can I just be blunt? YOU ARE WASTING YOUR LIFE! It’s sad, really. And even if you are working and helping pay the bills, you know you’re neglecting your home and family. You see . . . you can’t win. 

Now, when it comes to your looks . . . well, let’s keep it real. You’re just not that pretty, are you? I’m not being mean – just truthful. The years haven’t been very kind to you. You’re looking old and tired – haggard, even, not to mention those extra pounds.

It’s evident to your husband and everyone else, just saying, that you and your sex-appeal had a falling-out a long time ago and, from where I’m sitting . . . it’s not coming back any time soon so, do yourself a favor. I suggest either giving up in that department or desperately searching for the validation your husband doesn’t think your worthy of.

RELAX! I’m not picking on you – that’s what I tell every woman all the time. And, trust me, I’ve been thorough so, no matter where you go – the mall, the gym, the beach, to church, the park – you’ll encounter my consistent basic message:  You don’t measure up and your value is, well, pretty low.

Even though I’m usually very successful with my messaging, I’ve got my problems. Ever heard of The Indispensable Husband? He’s nothing but trouble. When this guy shows up, his wife starts letting go of my reality and all my hard work goes up in flames.

You know who he is . . . he’s the guy who comes home and the first thing he does is look for his wife so he can tell her he loves her, missed her, how beautiful she is and how much he appreciates all she does. This guy is sick. He’s not doing this because he thinks he should, from some sense of duty. He really means it. This guy makes his wife feel like a queen by simple, loving deeds, kind words, and sincere admiration. He loves her for who she is and puts her needs above his.

A husband like that is a one man wrecking ball, destroying everything I’m trying to build.

But I’m 21st Century Culture. I speak with a powerful voice and I’m not that worried. My position and the power of my message are basically secure because, the fact is, most husbands and, what really makes me happy, most Christian husbands, make my job easy. The Indispensable Husband almost never shows up! I have to admit, though, when he does, it’s amazing how much damage he can do in a very short time.

Truth is, I may be 21st Century Culture but I’m no match for the Indispensable Husband. His wife won’t listen to a thing I have to say. I get nightmares just thinking of what would happen if the average Christian husband followed his example – if he knew the power he has to destroy my life’s work and make his wife understand she has real value and is truly loved and respected. I hate to think what would happen in most marriages.

Christian Husband, the voice of 21st Century Culture is hell-bent on tearing down your wife. But your voice and influence in her heart is far more powerful. Will you use it God’s way and for her, be The Indispensable Husband?

Here are three resources to help you do just that:

102 Words of Affirmation Every Wife Wants Needs to Hear {Free Printable}

Two Powerful, Practical New Books: Marriage Wisdom for Him & Marriage Wisdom for Her. Get a copy and see positive change flood into your marriage!

Let me help you pursue the best marriage, family, and Christian life God intended.
When you subscribe, I'll send you my book, 10 Things You Won't Find in a Godly Marriage, free!
We respect your privacy.


  1. esther cox 2 months ago

    To the gentleman who is saying he is tired of speaking affirmation over his wife when she downplays it. You need to decide are you doing it out of a heart of love and Christlike service for her and her gradual healing, or are you doing it to “magically fix her” to be the kind of wife you want?

    Women know when it sincere and when there’s a catch to it. Those kind words, if they ever came, came with a catch growing up, ” You are such a good girl, would clean up the kitchen, your sister forgot” and from past manipulative relationships, etc. So, there can never be a catch or she will spot it.

    If you are doing it totally from a heart of love, don’t give up. For so many of us, accepting uplifting things feels “wrong” . We were taught that we are bad, that we aren’t enough and that women who accept compliments are bad and prideful and stuck up. Even in churches where we are told we are the daughters of God, that he values us, we still feel that’s ok for other ladies, not us. Don’t give up. Her abundant life might depend on it.

  2. T.E. 2 years ago

    I’ve found that I am powerless to have my wife not believe what the world tells her or the tape recordings running thru her head.
    I am and have consistently told her that she is beautiful, desirable and my soulmate. Nearly ever time I say affirmative words to her, she counters me with things like; “You must be desperate or something.” Or “Can’t you see?! I’ve put on 20lbs!”. I am so tired of her self-deprecating words back to me. I even tried to mirror her back the same way when she compliments me. To no avail. So, until she can acknowledge what I see, which is beautiful, I am at a loss.

    • Gina Weeks 2 years ago

      To T.E. —- As a wife, I want to encourage you to keep reaching out and speaking loving and life-giving words to your wife. You are having to help rewrite old words and thoughts in her mind. She may have gone through abuse that reinforces her negative feelings. Speaking what you see as truth and her finding healing in her heart will take time. With consistency, time, and if your attitude and actions match your words, and with prayer, I believe she will take baby steps to seeing her worth and her heart and mind will accept what you see. I’ve been that wife. God bless you to keep sowing the seeds of love and acceptance into your wife and may your marriage flourish.

      — Mrs. Gina Weeks

    • Karen 4 months ago

      Keep in mind that not everyone’s love language is words. Try one of the other ones to show her how much you love and care for her. (The Five Love Languages by Gary Smalley.)

  3. insanitybytes 2 years ago

    This was great fun to read, thank you. Well said.

  4. CL 2 years ago

    Hi, how can I get my husband to actually read these articles and care? I keep forwarding him articles ( and subtly trying to give hints) but he doesn’t even seem to read them. I’m not being rude, but rather saying that I enjoyed the article or it has some good points. I bought him your book “100 ways to love your wife” and he hasn’t even touched it, I also got myself “100 ways to love your husband”. He doesn’t even seem to care, we don’t have a terrible marriage, but I want it to be the best it can be and I feel he thinks it’s not broke so there’s nothing that needs to be done. anyway I love your articles, you have a very lucky wife!

    • Matthew Jacobson 2 years ago

      First of all, thank you for purchasing our books. I’m grateful as book sales are a very important support for this ministry.
      Sometimes we can be too subtle, even though we think we’re communicating clearly. Sometimes Lisa and I have this problem – she believes she’s been totally clear and I miss the hints, completely. At times, Lisa has believed that I don’t “even seem to care.” So, I would suggest a more direct, non-accusatory approach that communicates how you feel (as opposed to what he’s not doing and how he is failing). And, make sure this is done in an emotionally neutral environment. Not when you’re feeling especially frustrated. More important than all this, pray that the Holy Spirit would open his eyes and reveal to him your concerns. Prayer isn’t preparation for the battle. Prayer is the battle. God is far more effective at changing hearts than you or I will ever be.

  5. fm 2 years ago

    Cleverly injecting male-bashing thoughts. Try replacing this without the anti-husband thoughts/words
    – which you wrote including “I get nightmares just thinking of what would happen if the average Christian husband followed his example”

    Isn’t it much more difficult to find a godly wife example in America?

    • Matthew Jacobson 2 years ago

      A more careful reading of the article reveals that the quote you mentioned is not my voice but the voice (one of the voices . . . again, read carefully) of 21st Century Culture and, as such, is wrong, anti-biblical, and anti-husband . . . all of the things you are concerned about.

  6. Jim Turner 2 years ago

    Brilliant Matt! Truth told in powerful characterization – men who don’t get this end up in divorce or living with a demoralized and distracted wife. Men who will listen can have more than any man young or old could dream. Keep writing, keep fighting!

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Would you like my articles sent directly to your mobile device or inbox?

When you subscribe, I'll send you my book,
10 Things You Won't Find in a Godly Marriage, free!