Modesty and What My 12 Year Old Son Has To Do with How You Dressed Today

Modesty and What My 12 Year Old Son Has To Do with How You Dressed Today
July 28, 2015 Matthew L. Jacobson

Modesty and what my 12 year old son has to do with how you dressed todayShow up with your personal standards and you are automatically deemed to be judging others who don’t share your conviction. And when you say, “I’m not judging others, this is my personal conviction,” you are automatically deemed to be judging others who don’t share your conviction.

Why? Because there is one value you can’t challenge in a society that has systematically removed God from the public square: No one has the right to oppose any opinion I may hold and any hint that you suggest otherwise threatens my truth.

It’s as if the 21st Century has turned everyone into Napoleon Dynamite.

          “What are you going to do today, Napoleon?”

          “Whatever I want! GOSH!”

There is a degree of logic, here.  Without a moral law or restraint outside of myself, I can do whatever I want as long as you don’t have the power and will to stop me. Take God out of the picture and all bets are off.

And so it is with the body parts men and women put on public display by how they dress.

If someone wants to get his/her tee shirt and jeans from a can of paint and spray it on to maximize focus on physical attributes, whose business is that?

Follow the logic and it’s pretty easy to make an argument for no clothes, at all.

That’s ridiculous! 

No, it isn’t.

If the basis of the position is, ‘I can dress how I want. I dress like this because it makes me feel good/sexy/comfortable/”hot”‘ who’s to say where the line is to be drawn? Which raises an interesting question: If Lady Godiva came riding naked into town on her horse, is she the one with the problem or is it all the men who won’t stop looking when a strong gust of wind blows her hair behind her back?

Men or women wearing skin-tight clothing? . . . no big deal, but you probably shouldn’t be naked in public, should you? There are still laws that prevent total nudity in public but it gets confusing if God’s not involved.

But God is involved.

He said in the Bible to dress modestly (1 Timothy 2:9). And everyone of us will give an account, one day, when we stand before Him, of how we dressed AND how we looked lustfully at others.

From God’s perspective, the responsibility for all aspects of this issue runs both directions.

Those who wish to argue walking down the street in your underwear is no big deal and it’s okay if Victoria doesn’t have any Secrets, plastering pictures of women in sexy bras all over their windows, will have to take it up with God. You’re argument about the particulars is with Him and you’ll definitely get your chance. (Hebrews 9:27)

A moment ago, it was said that God is involved but, He’s not the only one. Someone else is involved, too: My 12 year-old son.

A couple of months ago he came to me, distraught that from seemingly nowhere, he was suddenly struck with a deep sense of awareness and interest in girls . . . and not just girls, generally, but very (very) specifically, right down to the curves . . . all of them.

I listened as he poured out his heart in confusion, embarrassment, and anguish. Then, I immediately hugged him and told him how great it all was.

“Son, your awakened interest in girls is completely normal, natural, and good. God made you this way. You’re in the process of becoming a man and I think that’s awesome!”

Now, about those “particulars”, and the argument that it’s all on the guy, or on the girl, as the case may be, I ask a simple question: Should young boys coming of age in our society bear all the responsibility for the moral struggles they face? 

Does any degree of responsibility lay elsewhere?

My son and I are having some deep conversations about lust, the enemy’s counterfeit of God’s best, the responsibility to exercise self-control, and averting our eyes at appropriate times. He is being taught his responsibility to walk uprightly. I’m teaching him how to do battle in a world that doesn’t care about purity, modesty, and self control. If I’m successful and any woman has an encounter with him, she will be respected and treated with dignity.

But I’m hoping that you, too, care about the impact you may be having on my young son . . . on all the young sons . . . who are becoming sexually aware young men. If you’ve not thought about modesty and how the way you dress affects a young boy coming of age, would you be willing to consider these things?

We live in community. I’m striving to do my part as his dad. Will you consider the positive part you can play when you get dressed in the morning? We may never know each other, personally, but that doesn’t mean my son won’t encounter you at the store, airport, or State Fair. Just because you don’t know him personally doesn’t mean you’re not having a major impact on a young boy somewhere.

No one is advocating burqas before breakfast but don’t buy into the spirit of the age that says however sexy you dress makes no difference because, friend, I can tell you, it matters a great deal to my 12 year-old son who is becoming a man and desires to be a loving, faithful, husband and father some day.

‘Thank you” to all the thoughtful women out there, for thinking of others and, in essence, for thinking of my son.

~Matthew

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46 Comments

  1. Lora 1 year ago

    Once more men expect women to tailor to their every need. I will dress how I want to and this is not what is important to God what is important is if I am a good person and being kind to people and doing my best to make the world a better place. We have to stop this idea that women should cover themselves for the comfort of men. If you do not have the decency to stop staring at a woman just because her shorts are a little short or her shirt is a cut little low, then you are the problem, not her.

    • Author

      Please read the article. It’a about living in community and loving each other by being considerate. When you read it, you will also discover the article isn’t written just to or about women but also speaks the same message to men.

    • Priscilla Stranak 1 year ago

      I think you are wrong in your assumption that that article is talking about just women. It is our duty to protect our brothers in christ. As it is their duty to protect their sisters in christ. We as women need to have more respect for ourselves instead of just saying “i want to dress like this because i want to.” It isn’t loving to our brothers in christ. Men are the same way sure they can take off their shirt in public and it is considered completely fine. But if we examine that and they make the choice to protect their sisters in christ then it goes both ways.

    • Bea 10 months ago

      Why are you wearing short shorts and low cut tops?

    • Ally 3 months ago

      If the way you dress isn’t important to God then why is it in the Bible that he does?

  2. JW 1 year ago

    Your article is spot on – for those that have a sense of community, and a heart to serve others first. Those that disagree with what you have said have selfishly decided not to put others first in this area of their lives. The heart must first be open to the direction of the Holy Spirit, and many of those responding are not thinking with a mind set on glorifying God.

  3. cory 1 year ago

    What defines modesty is your intentions when you get dressed in the morning is to look sexy and hot and show off your body knowing other people will see it god sees tlyour heart and he knows if your intentions are pure if you are just dressing in a Wat that’s comfortable to you and not doing it to show off then your fin

    • Bea 10 months ago

      God sees your heart but my sons see your body.

  4. AnBar 1 year ago

    Matthew,

    I can understand both sides that are being argued amongst the commentors.

    You seem to have good intentions and a measured, considerate approach.

    I have many thoughts/questions. Let me start with this (not opposing, truly curious). I am female so I will ask about women’s apparel. What defines modesty? It seems some outfits are easily identified as modest/immodest…but the mid-ground is vast. My grandma was appalled at women in britches; Victorians wouldn’t show an ankle but cleavage up to and including areola was fashionable; Amish and other religions don’t show anything above mid-calf or elbow. My parents forbade all swimwear but others in their group were fine with swimskirts, or one pieces.

    Who is to decide?

    • Author

      Yes, the middle ground is vast. For the Christian, the answer lies in two areas. First, what is God’s heart on the matter? Are we truly seeking to please the Father? The Scriptures expressly say to dress modestly. Every Christian gets to seek out God’s heart on the matter through prayer and consideration/meditation. Inevitably, different conclusions regarding specifics will result but, are we dressing to conform ourselves to the Spirit’s direction for modesty or are we putting body parts on display for public consumption (purposing to be found sexy or without regard for our brothers and sisters)? Men are every bit as capable of immodesty as women. Second (and this is a slippery slope, and not to supersede the first point) what are the general societal norms in which you live? Different cultures have different standards. You mentioned the Amish. If living with them for a time, I wouldn’t violate their community standards in dress just because I had freedom to do so. The Apostle Paul did as the Romans did.

  5. Jean 1 year ago

    It doesn’t matter how a woman dresses. My sister wore oversized baggy sweats when we were teenagers and people still sexually harassed her and the extra fabric gave them something to grab onto and slam her against a locker at school. Women still get raped even if their eyes are the only thing showing. I know on very hot days I’m apt to show more skin for my comfort. Plus as a large busted women scoop and v necks are more comfortable for me as higher necklines choke me. Most of the time my cleavage isn’t visible and rare times it is it’s just a little (no one makes comments then and I don’t get more attention those times either). I never show my stomach or underwear in public.

  6. Beth Blamick 1 year ago

    What a fantastic post! We have raised two young men and are now raising our last, a beautiful young woman, at home so this post really spoke to me. We have always emphasized modesty to our daughter but, it is certainly true that modesty is a foreign language to most young people today. I agree that we, as women, bear responsibility to our brothers in Christ to dress (and ACT) modestly. Thanks for reminding us!

  7. Anonymous 1 year ago

    I have two sons whom are both still very young. I also do not have any daughters. However, being a woman myself, one that has gone through the tumultuous ups and downs of navigating my sexuality (and learning the hard way from my misguided steps into womanhood), I appreciate and applaud your efforts in raising awareness to this taboo subject. I often find my jaw unable to pick itself up off the ground when I see what young girls are wearing today. And I like to think I’m a somewhat fashionable woman! No sexual thoughts cross MY mind, but I can’t help but ask, “Why!?”. Why can’t the shorts of YOUNG girls cover their butt? Be an inch or two longer? Why is it necessary for YOUNG girls to wear shirts in which their tummies show? Why are the young girls of today being allowed, even encouraged, to dive head first into the non-forgiving, unrealistic and tormenting world of today’s sexually-crazed society at such a young age? Truly, why!? Their young hearts and minds are still so formidable, yet we as a society are allowing “our world” to be what shapes them and defines them…not us and certainly not God. My question to moms of girls is, “Why?”. Is it fear of rejection or bullying? Is it pressure to be in the “cool clique”? I’m truly curious, because without a legitimate reason, I can’t wrap my mind around understanding the allowance of such. Nor can I understand how these parents don’t see the danger in it. And by danger, I don’t mean “rape mentality”. I mean the danger in seeing these desires in them, and not asking why they want to dress in such a way. The danger in allowing young girls to think they need to dress “sexually” to be considered cool, or hot, or to be liked, or to get attention. The dangers of all of that on a young girls’ heart and soul can take decades, if not a life-time to undo! Why aren’t parents of young girl seeing any of this?

    And for all who are saying that this article perpetuates the rape culture mentality of placing blame on the woman, I feel you are missing the bigger picture of it all. Whether you have a son, a daughter, or both; I feel what he’s trying to get across, to a society that doesn’t filter our actions all the way through to their consequences, is a suggestion to us ALL that WE be the change. Whether that be in the form of our parenting, or in the way we encourage our children to dress, or in the lessons we instill about modesty, lessons of respect (both for ones self and the opposite gender), in planting their feet on a firm foundation of what and Who truly defines them. Be aware that children learn from us by watching. So, we should be aware of the way we carry ourselves, the way we dress, the way we interact with the opposite sex, the boundaries we set in an effort for our lives to honor God and others. We all should carry the responsibility of “fixing” our sexually-crazed culture. Talk to your boys. Talk to your girls. Model for them what confidence looks like. Model for them how to respect yourself and have respect for the opposite gender. Encourage our children to seek God’s heart and desires for them. Be present to answer questions. Teach them about bodies/anatomy, instead of leaving them to seek it from unwise, and often uneducated counsel. Teach them also about the intent God had in creating us in His image, and why, after He created all of heaven and earth AND both man and woman, he rested and called it all “very good”.

    So, while I don’t feel anyone has the right to dictate what I wear, or what any other female chooses to wear, understand that’s not what he’s saying. He’s asking you to care. Basically, if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.

    In Christ

  8. Kat 1 year ago

    Nudity does not and should not equal sexuality.

    • Author

      Interesting perspective, Kat. For the Christian, nudity equals what the Word of God, the Bible, says it equals.

      • Sam 1 year ago

        Yes, so nudity, based on the Bible, does not equal sexuality, nor does sexuality equal nudity.

        • Author

          Expanding on your thought and providing an example from the Word might clarify the point you wish to make.

  9. Liz 1 year ago

    as a mom of both sons and daughters, I really liked your post on modesty but was a bit sad at the same time finding out about the thoughts in a young man’s mind… guys need to look past the outward appearances and look inside a girl to know if she is truly godly…what may appear to be totally modest to one family, might appear as crossing the line for another family…we need to teach our sons to look at a person as Christ sees and not judge them by their appearance…For sure there will be these immodest dressed girls roaming around our sons and the only way to protect them is to look beyond what a person is outside and not asking only the godly girls to change their dressing…

  10. Haley 2 years ago

    I hate this piece. I’m sorry. There are so many things wrong with it. I appreciate you trying to teach your son to be respectful but you are also teaching him women’s bodies are controlled by others. It really isn’t any of your business why women dress the way they do. It just isn’t your job to police them. The next time I get dressed I’ll think of your son and WEAR WHAT I CHOOSE without apology. I think I’ll wear a bikini to work tomorrow.

    • Author

      Hate? Sounds like you have an axe to grind. And, what an odd (exceedingly illogical) claim to make – that teaching my son to respect women is teaching him that their bodies are controlled by others. Compelling cases are not made by raving. Rereading the post more carefully may enliven a balanced understanding of the content. The post is a respectful request for self-reflection. Of course you may do whatever you choose. Those who live in community with others don’t merely act without regard for others but take others into consideration before acting – all the article is requesting.

  11. GC 2 years ago

    The problem with “modesty culture” is that it turns women and women’s bodies into “problems” that have to be “dealt with.” In some very real ways, it objectifies women, although I’m sure that many proponents believe that they are “honoring” women. Having raised two boys to young adulthood, I understand the problems for young men in our culture. However, if I had daughters, I would be focusing on dressing, walking, speaking and acting in ways that honor God and their own worth as people, not on “keeping men from sinning.” Because girls and women can’t really do that. There will always be some part of their bodies that cause some men to lust. Unless we veil them completely.

    • Bea 10 months ago

      Yes, but if girls were taught by women that their value lies in who they are rather than what they wear, those girls might just learn that dignity, self-respect and compassion for the weakness of others is more meaningful than the selfish attitude that says “I’m going to do what I want no matter what.” What if we, as Godly women, taught those girls to be like Christ in their attitude towards others and sacrifice what they might “want” in order to protect and restore what evil wants to destroy? Ladies, please have mercy and compassion on men. They have so many weaknesses (and so do we) but they are not the enemy.

  12. Stephanie Long 2 years ago

    I wanted to take a minute to encourage you.

    I am a young woman, with 2 young boys of my own who will before I know it be facing this battle. I appreciate you taking the time to address the issue. This is something that I had to learn for myself over time. I used to dress to attract boys, as a teen and in my early twenties. Eventually, I learned the truth of what you are saying and now I am careful what I wear. It’s about being considerate of other people, respecting my husband in the sense that I am not intentionally enticing men to look at me in a way that is meant for my husband, but it’s also about respecting myself, and understanding my identity in Christ.

    Ladies, let’s be honest, and I have been there, so I’m speaking from experience. We don’t dress that way because it’s empowering; we don’t dress that way because “we like it and no one has a right to tell us how to dress.” Those are excuses and justifications we tell ourselves to avoid admitting the truth: we dress that way because we want to attract guys. Of course, we only want to attract the guys that we want to attract, and everyone else should look away. But, let’s be honest, no one puts on a low cut shirt and thinks “dang I look hot; I hope no one looks at me today!” I’m sure this will somehow be misconstrued to say that I am perpetuating rape culture. But, no I’m not. Being honest about the fact that we put on clothes that attract attention on purpose is in no way saying that we don’t have the right to say no to every advance, every single time. Of course we do. No one gets to touch anyone without consent. Period.

    The reality is for many (not all) women, myself included, guys noticing us makes us feel pretty, valuable, loved. I had to learn (and I’m sharing my story on my blog) that my value, my worth, the unconditional love I strive for comes from Jesus.

    The “issue” of modesty, and our sex dominated culture, is only really going to be changed, when girls and women begin to understand who we really are.

    Thank you for sharing your heart on this subject. I think it is very important to look at it from the perspective of a boy just beginning to deal with these feelings. We wouldn’t give a baby a steak and expect him to be able to know what to do with it. So, why do we insist that our boys and girls as they are “coming of age” be surrounded by images that they don’t know how to process yet. Of course, we teach them, as you said in your article, but that takes time. Would we send a flight student up to fly a plane through a hurricane on his first day?

    • Lily 2 years ago

      Amen, Amen, and AMEN!!!
      I am a young girl of faith and I completely agree with you. This article is NOT “endorsing rape culture”, or “telling women to stop men from sinning”

      but rather, simply saying, it doesn’t hurt to put a few more inches on your skirt, so that when you bend over nothing innapropriate shows, and it doesn’t hurt to wear a stylish vintage/cute girly soft peice of clothing that goes up to your collarbone to cover that area of your body. You can still look flattering but not too revealing, it is very much possible.

      Its just simple modesty, and honestly I would rather be known for my face and personality than my body.

      I too, like stylish things and its hard to find things that aren’t frumpy/gross and old fashioned that are modest.. but I keep looking anyways.

      I go to public school and see all kinds of immodest things everyday, and I too, struggle with being accepted but also decent at the same time.

      so yeah, God wants us to keep our bodies for our husbands, (or only ourselves, if we’re gonna be single.. haha )

      and people are getting over-offended by how real and unashamed the 12 year old is, to his dad, as a natural, HUMAN thing for being so confused about how distracting and hard it is to see things that make you lust.

  13. Trystyn Kent-Orr 2 years ago

    If your son’s faith is dependent on how others act or dress, than maybe you should be helping him strengthen his faith in God rather than dictating what women should and should not wear. This is a perpetuation of rape culture as you are implying that your “helpless” son cannot control himself around women and that it comes down to women yet again to protect themselves. Teach your son self control and how to respect women and you’ll be on the right track but from reading this article I hope that you do not have daughters because it seems that you are perpetuating the internalized misogyny that women have to fight everyday. Check yourself and try to gain some perspective.

    • Matthew Jacobson 2 years ago

      How strange that you would equate a request for consideration as “dictating what women should and should not wear”. Regarding your admonition to teach my son, here is an excerpt from the article you are commenting on: “My son and I are having some deep conversations about lust, the enemy’s counterfeit of God’s best, the responsibility to exercise self-control, and averting our eyes at appropriate times. He is being taught his responsibility to walk uprightly. I’m teaching him how to do battle in a world that doesn’t care about purity, modesty, and self control. If I’m successful and any woman has an encounter with him, she will be respected and treated with dignity.” Surely your references to “rape culture” and “internalized misogyny” are an overreach, at best. Applying the wisdom in your last sentence wouldn’t go amiss . . . for us all.

    • Em 1 year ago

      I disagree. I have a 12 year old girl and a 10 year old boy. To implore young women to think before the get dressed is not propagating a rape culture. Does the Bible not say to keep from being a stumbling block to others?

      My son came back from the restroom at burger joint very fast. Saying he did not have to use the restroom any longer. Turns out it had a large pic of the Pink Floyd’s “Back” album cover in the restroom. He was aware enough to know he did not want to see this as it was not honoring women or God. Same restaurant had he old MVV station playing. He stared at his plate the entire time to keep from seeing the TV because of the women. Being aware if his struggle we ended up leaving and have not returned. As a family it is our job to help him with the convictions he had not wanting to see women half naked.
      He is being taught to honor and respect women (and men, for that matter) and his sister is being taught to respect herself and others as well.

      How can a church say we will pray for you with this sin (lust) and then say, but it’s all on your shoulders- you need to be a better Christian. If a brother or sister is struggling with drinking, we don’t offer them a beer and say that we will pray you are strong enough to not drink it.
      Nobody is saying cover it all up, but are requesting a little help in a battle that at times seems overwhelming.

  14. Maura 2 years ago

    I’m sorry but this is slightly ridiculous.
    I won’t dress in accordance to someone else’s opinion. A boy will be curious about the opposite sex (or the same sex!) regardless of what any woman wears. Boys are not taught to cover up to keep girls from being lustful. We allow men to use sexuality of women as a scapegoat for cheating or having immoral or impure actions. Women never get to use this excuse. The truth is, everyone has the same opportunity to respect others and practice appropriate behavior and self control.

    • Matthew Jacobson 2 years ago

      There is no excuse for a man to use weakness or someone else’s actions as a scapegoat for cheating. Period. Ever. The point is not to suggest that if certain clothes are worn curiosity will be removed but that there is an impact delivered by one’s personal choices (as the article says, it goes both ways) and that consideration for others is a valid consideration.

    • MARY ROBERTS 1 year ago

      I agree. I think there’s a lot more things to teach your children than what a girl or a woman is wearing. Teach them about love not hate, being kind to others that are different than him/her. Honesty, to forgive, not to judge others, to be polite, to realize people are all different race, religion, gay, straight not to judge others. To be happy, enjoy life it might be your last day. There are much more in life than to worry about what someone is wearing. Terrorist, war etc. Bills, health, job, etc.

      • Author

        Teaching a child something does not indicate you’re not teaching him/her other things. The Christian must teach their children what the Bible teaches: 1 Timothy 2:9

  15. Concerned Mom 2 years ago

    I too have a 12-year-old son and share your concern. However, as the mother of girls as well, I see my modestly-dressed daughters being ignored while the girls in revealing clothes get all the attention. Perhaps when parents teach boys to respect girls, they should emphasize honoring ladies who are modest and averting their eyes from ones who are not?

    • Matthew Jacobson 2 years ago

      I have four girls and four boys. I agree with you but, your concern was registered in the article. The following is a quote from my article: “My son and I are having some deep conversations about lust, the enemy’s counterfeit of God’s best, the responsibility to exercise self-control, and averting our eyes at appropriate times. He is being taught his responsibility to walk uprightly. I’m teaching him how to do battle in a world that doesn’t care about purity, modesty, and self control. If I’m successful and any woman has an encounter with him, she will be respected and treated with dignity.”

    • Jason 2 years ago

      As a married woman with sexual experience, you should have learned years ago that there is healthy and unhealthy attention. If your daughters walk around naked outside, I guarantee they will get plenty of male attention. Dressing sexy is not the way to find love. It is the way to find sex. Dressing modestly gets you less attention from men who want just sex, and more attention from men who are serious about getting to know you and having a committed relationship. This has nothing to do with this silly feminist notion that we need to “teach boys.” Girls need to take responsibility for their own conduct and responsibility for the consequences. Teach girls how to behave respectably and boys will respect them. Boys don’t need to avert their eyes from anything. Women should cover up if they don’t want men to look. Boys have every right to see what is on display. Also, teach your daughters how to dress well without dressing like hookers. Well-dressed girls also get attention from men. Tits and ass don’t need to be hanging out for a man to notice you.

  16. Dwight Gingrich 2 years ago

    As a father of three young girls, I endorse this post! I hope I can raise my daughters to dress and act in ways that bless godly young men, and I hope that they will be blessed to have friends such as your wise young son when they start their journeys into womanhood. God bless you for your example, and for daring to write what you did.

  17. Crystal Nelson 2 years ago

    Dear Matthew,
    I loved your article. I shared it on my facebook page and asked all ladies to read. ( I’m sure I’ll get some love letters from that one. LOL. 🙂 )
    I follow your wife, Lisa’s Club 31 Women blog and greatly enjoy it; and have recently found you, as well. I’ve emailed my husband some links to your site, I hope he reads them. 🙂
    I just wanted to write to give you whatever encouragement that I could. I think that you and Lisa are doing something really awesome. I’m sure God is smiling upon you.
    God Bless you both, and thank you for writing!

    • Matthew Jacobson 2 years ago

      Your kind, encouraging words mean more than you will ever know. Thank you and God bless you and your husband.

  18. Steve 2 years ago

    I think girls are under plenty of pressure to dress modestly. My friend’s child was sent home from a public school one time in middle school for what she was wearing. My friend posted a picture on facebook. The outfit covered her entire body, down to wrists and ankles, and was not tight fitting. The reason the message of modesty is not mainstream is that the message of consent is so much more important. If a girl wears revealing clothing and a boy thinks lustful thoughts, well he was going to be thinking those thoughts no matter what. We know this is true because the places in the world with the most conservative views on what women should wear (such as the middle east) have the highest levels of porn consumption. If boys are not trained to respect women no matter what they are wearing, the consequences are far more dire. I applaud your efforts to teach your son this respect, but I don’t think there are any parents out there who are encouraging their twelve year old daughters to dress inappropriately. This article pretends we live in a world where we all agree that people shouldn’t go around naked. The thing is, men ARE allowed to go basically naked and nobody bats an eye. I worked as a lifeguard for many years and the fancier the racing suit, the less fabric guys wear. If we are going to encourage modesty, it seems really unfair to ask it of women and not of men. As someone who once was a young boy, yes, trying not to lust can be a struggle. But the struggles women face are far far worse. At least one in six women will be sexually assaulted. Men need to take more responsibility for this, not try to pass it off on women.

    • Matthew Jacobson 2 years ago

      Clearly you haven’t read the article, which expressly states this issue goes both ways.

  19. Sam 2 years ago

    im sorry, but this article perpetuates rape culture and the “she was asking for it because she was in a tight skirt” mentality. You should be teaching your 12-year-old son to love people, regardless of dress and to respect women, even if their body is on display.
    I understand that women (and men) should not go around flashing, but saying my leggings are somehow corrupting your son is outlandish!

    Teach him that even if a woman is a prostiture in a mini skirt and crop top, she deserves respect and it is never okay to make unwanted advances. Sex is lovely and natural, sexual desire is natural, lust is natural, none of this is shameful.

    • Matthew Jacobson 2 years ago

      When read carefully, the article makes clear my purpose to teach my son to respect women – stated expressly. He is responsible, and so are you (as am I).

    • Jason 2 years ago

      Rape culture doesn’t exist, you mindless feminazi.

      • Jennifer 1 year ago

        Rape culture doesn’t exist???? Really?! I’m an advocate for human trafficking victims, why don’t you rethink that one and try again.

        • Author

          If you interact with the article – it’s logic and arguments – I’d be honored to dialogue with you.

  20. Sheri 2 years ago

    Thank you for your article about protecting your son! I have four boys of my own and loved everything you said.

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