Are You Making This Easy-to-Avoid MARRIAGE MISTAKE? (small change – massive positive impact!)

Are You Making This Easy-to-Avoid MARRIAGE MISTAKE? (small change – massive positive impact!)
October 17, 2016 Matthew L. Jacobson

Writing about marriage means you’ve basically got it all down and get it perfect every time . . . not a single marriage mistake, right?

I think we all know the answer to that question!

And, so it was, just a few days ago, I had to be reminded of something so basic, I laughed at myself – How did I forget that?

In marriage, the simple, straightforward things are often the easiest things to forget. When it comes to our relationship we need to remember: The main things are the basic things and the basic things are the main things.

Yes, I think Lisa’s awesome.

Yes, I love her.

Yes, I’d lay down my life for her.

Yes, etc., etc.,

She knows all this. So why was there a slight disruption in the vibe. I’m sure you know what I mean. Walk into the room and something just isn’t right – you’re not quite connecting. How did that happen?

We’d both had a busy day (are there any other kind, these days?). I just arrived home, said a quick ‘Hey Babe’ from across the room, dove into the next thing, and that’s when the disconnect happened.

Why is she so “off” all of a sudden? Did I do something?

But I hadn’t done anything. I just walked in the door. The problem? It wasn’t what I did. It was something I didn’t do.

How difficult would it have been to take five minutes, walk across the room, give her a warm greeting and communicate that:

  • I care about how she’s feeling
  • She matters
  • How she is doing is of importance to me
  • She is a priority
  • She’s never been far from my thoughts
  • I desire to be connected

. . . all this with so simple an act of acknowledgement and interest.

Lisa knows all these things are true but even in a great marriage, it’s possible for your spouse to not feel them in the moment. It’s a marriage mistake that’s easy to avoid.

Were you at the post office? The Store? Coming home from the gym? Arriving home at the end of the day after work?

Doesn’t matter.

The next time you walk through the door, don’t do what I did. Walk right up to your wife/husband and make it clear that the one thing you want to do before you take another step is to connect with the most important person in your life. (Unless you just arrived home from the dentist, kissing when arriving is highly recommended!)

This is an “easy basic” that communicates powerfully to your spouse. What are some examples of what you might say during a warm “hello” hug . . .?

I missed you today. Hope you’re doing well.

How was your day, today?

 Anything interesting happen in your day?

 . . . and, if you have a little more time . . .

How about we sit down for 10 minutes . . . and catch up?

or, go for a walk . . .

or, have a cup of coffee . . .

or, whatever you know your spouse translates as “He/she cares about me”

Again, it’s an easy basic of marriage. We can do this. We just need to purpose to do it – to follow through.

Grand gestures, amazing gifts, awesome fun surprises for our spouse – they’re all great but they can never replace the simple everyday moments we fill with the message – You matter to me as a person . . . my  friend and my lover. Remember, in Marriage: The main things are the basic things and the basic things are the main things. When we communicate value in the simple encounters of our day, we encourage our spouse, strengthen the fiber of our marriage, and have a lot more fun together!  So, the next time you walk through your front door, don’t miss your opportunity for all that! (I”m not going to!)

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  1. Natasha 5 months ago

    This is something I definitely need to work on. Part of me desperately wants to connect with my husband, but the other part of me can get very focused on what needs to be done, so sometimes when he comes home my first reaction is to hand over the kids or ask him to do something. Not nice I know, and I’m working on improving. Thanks for the reminder.

  2. Michelle 1 year ago

    I do this every time my amazing guy gets home! As a matter of fact I go out to the car when he arrives and help him in hugs and kisses how’s your day ect!! It’s my way of letting him know he’s missed and appreciated for everything he does! I also walk him to the car every morning!! It’s the little things that are the best gifts we can give! Your heart love and appreciation are free and not given as often as we should!

  3. Mary 1 year ago

    I absolutely agree with this. I am newly married (3 months) and I want to try my hardest from the beginning to make the right decisions and contributions to our marriage. What I have learned in my short time is that it is the little things that count the most. Thank you for sharing, great read!

  4. Rebecca L Jones 1 year ago

    God didn’t create life of love to be that hard, we do! Isn’t that a simple solution? Thanks for the insight.

  5. Chrissy Swartzendruber 1 year ago

    One of my favorite posts. Yes, absolutely easy to forget but means so much. I really appreciate hearing from my sons too when I get home at the end of the day as well.

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