When it comes to romance, being spontaneous is great . . .
Hey Babe, let’s go grab a bite to eat at . . . . .
Let’s jump in the car and visit . . . . .
How about we . . ?
But the planned, thoughtful evening out where all the details are handled, so all she has to do is get ready, says so much more.
And, that’s a message her radar is always scanning for: How important to him am I . . . really? She knows, innately, she has the right to be cherished by you.
How important to him am I . . . really?
If you’re like me, you’re thinking, “Yeah, I do that pretty well. Of course, I love my wife.”
So, why is she saying (again) something like,
Why don’t you want to spend time with me? Why am I not important to you? Why do you have time for everyone else?
You’d think after over twenty years of marriage I’d have it down to a science, but I still need to be reminded – Lisa wants to know I’ve taken the time to value her though planned, purposeful “couple time.” She has never stopped desiring to be pursued by me.
I’ll go out on a limb here: Your wife wants to be pursued, too.
Our wives never stop wanting to be the object of our desire, no matter how many years have passed.
As if it was yesterday, I still remember Lisa pulling out the calendar to prove to me what I didn’t believe until I saw it in black and white. We hadn’t “just gone out” as I had been saying. It had been over a month. I was amazed. Really? More than a month? I meant well, I really did (do I get ‘points’ for that?)
‘No!’ Good intentions and spontaneity are fine but they tend to give way to the tyranny of the urgent. Something has to give in a week stuffed with priorities and it’s too often the time our wives were hoping to spend with us – the time they were looking forward to . . . that special One-on-One time that says,
You are very important to me.
But, she’s always there and, after all, we can go out next week . . . right Babe?
Is it any wonder she feels taken for granted?
A woman’t heart is a garden. Tend it well and it will spring forth in verdant beauty. Putting off time together is the same as ignoring a garden, letting – almost encouraging – the weeds to grow.
Something that has worked well for Lisa and me is to schedule “date night” right into the week. At first, I was resistant to the idea. Schedule romance? Isn’t that kind of unromantic? But, it isn’t, and it certainly isn’t as unromantic as believing going out is important but not actually following through on a regular basis!
If you schedule your time together (in addition to all those spontaneous things you do) and defend that time against all comers and competing priorities, the message is unmistakable to her and to everyone else: My Wife Is My Priority!
And, that is very romantic.
Having blocked out the time, it can be challenging to keep it fresh from week to week. Do you ever run out of ideas of what to do next time? Ever fall into a rut? It’s easy to do. We lead busy lives and it can be difficult to be creative. At some point, every relationship faces this, which is why I wrote the book 100 Ways To Love Your Wife. This simple, straightforward book reminds us (me included!) to approach romance and relationship from a biblical perspective and it’s also a resource filled with practical ideas for living out that privilege. May God bless you as you walk biblically and enjoy the benefits of demonstrating to your wife on an on-going (frequent!) basis the treasure and priority she is to you.
Matt Jacobson is a biblical marriage coach, founder of FaithfulMan.com a biblical marriage, parenting, and discipleship ministry providing written and audio teaching, as well as couples marriage coaching. He is also the creator of FREEDOM Course, an 8 session class, including a workbook, where he teaches men the biblical path to finding total victory from pornography and sexual sin. He is the co-host (with his wife, Lisa) of Faithful Life Podcast and is author of the bestseller, 100 Ways to Love Your Wife. Matt is pastor of Cline Falls Bible Fellowship and is married to Lisa, founder of Club31Women.com (they have 8 kids!).