For the Christian man, being the spiritual protector and leader of his home is not optional. It’s what God requires of him. Many husbands don’t realize this or don’t care . . . or, could there be other reasons a husband . . . you’re husband . . . doesn’t rise to the responsibility God lays before him?
Are you looking to your husband as the spiritual leader of your home? Do you see yourself as following his leadership and direction? The Scriptures are crystal clear on the topic: the husband is the spiritual head of the home.
Speaking of marriage, 1 Corinthians 11:3 says:
“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman (is) the man; and the head of Christ (is) God.”
So, regardless of how we think of the issue, regardless of what many are comfortable with, regardless of how out of step with the culture this issue is, the Bible declares that the husband is placed in the position (and given the grave responsibility) of leadership, spiritually.
It’s true, though, that you can’t follow a parked car. This is frustrating for many women. Will he ever lead?
What’s a wife to do?
The natural response to this vacuum is to fill it, and many wives, fed up and frustrated with the lack of leadership in their husbands, take the lead and act.
Is doing something better than doing nothing?
One thing is certain – the degree to which you, as a wife, take the leadership in your home is the degree to which your husband will never step up and assume his God-given responsibility to lead.
As tempting, and seemingly necessary, as it is to make something happen, for those women who long to see their husbands lead spiritually, there is a better way. You have a great deal of power to act, but not in the obvious way of taking the reins of leadership.
First of all, it’s imperative to see your husband as the spiritual leader – to believe it is God’s design.
Go to your husband and tell him that you are following him. Tell him that you look to his spiritual leadership for you and for the family. This, alone, will come as a major shock to many husbands. What? Me? I’m your spiritual leader and the head of this home? You’re looking to me for leadership? Wow!
What’s next? Now what should you do? It’s a surprising answer but, you should do . .
That’s right, nothing. When it comes to leadership and spiritual decisions and direction . . . don’t act. Don’t take the lead. Yes, it’s difficult for the results, action-oriented woman – and it requires real discipline. That’s where the next step comes in.
Pray and put your hope in God. Immerse yourself in the love and providence of God. Believe that while God is working on your husband, He has a plan for your growth in His Spirit. You can simply never go wrong by taking the energy that you would have poured into trying to act as the spiritual leader of your home and turning this energy toward your own devotion to God.
And as you continue, recognize that your husband is the spiritual leader, as you do ‘nothing’, and as you pray and wait, something will happen – though not necessarily on your schedule. God’s timing and ours are often very different.
You probably will not see it at first, and it will take time before he truly understands that you are sincere about following him, but, with your words and support, his leadership muscles will start to twitch with a new sense of vigor.
You may be gifted with leadership. You may be tired of the inactivity and lack of spiritual direction. You may have an overpowering urge to act, to do something! For this gift, God has a proper place for its use, but if you desire to see the spiritual leader in your husband emerge in your marriage, . . . you must restrain yourself and stay out of the way.
Prodding, poking, badgering, snarky comments, being impatient and put out . . . none of it will push your husband into the role of spiritual leader. There is a better way. Telling your husband that you are following him – truly submitted to his leadership in your marriage and home – is a message that comes with force and power.
Look to your husband for spiritual leadership and watch a spiritual leader emerge before your very eyes.
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Matt Jacobson is a biblical marriage coach and founder of FaithfulMan.com a biblical marriage, parenting, and discipleship ministry providing written and audio teaching, as well as couples marriage coaching. He is the co-host (with his wife, Lisa) of Faithful Life Podcast and is author of the bestseller, 100 Ways to Love Your Wife. Matt is pastor of Tumalo Bible Fellowship and is married to Lisa, founder of Club31Women.com (they have 8 kids!).