He may be a quiet accountant, a fearless fire fighter, an expert plumber, a smart lawyer, a good doctor, a successful salesman, a faithful farmer, or any number of other professions, but one need transcends all of his character traits and career choices:
He needs to be able to trust you with all of his heart.
He won’t use those words, but saying it a certain way is not his root concern. Does he know, beyond any doubt, that you are completely trustworthy? Is he confident that, regardless of who you may be talking to, you will never betray his trust, divulge information he feels is sensitive, or reveal anything he would want kept between you and him?
Are you a woman of discretion?
You may have close female friends, and there are extended family relationships that are also close, too. You want to be open and transparent with them, don’t you? You can be, but the woman of discretion never crosses the line when it comes to her husband’s privacy and other matters he doesn’t want discussed outside of his “inner circle,” which is you and him.
Be ready for a challenge. There will be people in your life who will try to break down the wall of loyalty you have for your husband, feeling that because of the long-standing relationship you’ve had with them, it’s their right to be let in on every detail.
Don’t let others dictate where that line of separation is. Let loyalty and faithfulness to your marriage and your husband’s wishes establish the line.
Regarding the trustworthy wife, the Bible puts it like this, “His heart safely trusts in her.” (Proverbs 31:11)
Are you a safe place for him? There’s no safety without trust, and without trust there can be no true loyalty.
When your husband knows he is married to his most trusted confidant, your influence soars. Life is a field of battle for a man. Regardless of his profession, he can only move forward with confidence if he never has to question that you “have his back.”
If you’ve not been discreet in the past, then you’ve damaged that trust. But take heart, it can be restored. Go to your husband and ask him to forgive you, telling him he will never have to worry – ever – again.
If you’ve walked as a woman of discretion, your husband already trusts you but will still enjoy hearing you tell him that you are loyal and behind him 100%.
Every husband wants to be able to trust his wife implicitly. It’s in your power to ensure that his heart can safely trust in you.
I pray that I increasingly become a mature, discreet woman. I pray that my husband feels a sense of security and complete trust in me. Help me to guard those things that he wants kept private and between only us. Help me to always be his trusted confidant, and prompt me by your Holy Spirit if I ever begin to speak in a manner that would compromise his trust in me.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Conversation starter: Ask your husband, “Do you feel you can trust me to keep our private things private? Have I ever done something that made you feel insecure or that made you feel it was risky to take me into your confidence? Please know that I intend to be your discreet, completely trustworthy wife.”
— Disclaimer —
Of course, this teaching is not to be understood as suggesting that sin should be covered up. Which is why walking closely in true, open fellowship with other believers is not an option for any Christian. Confess your faults one to another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. James 5:16
The Faithful Life Podcast episode of how Lisa and Matt met (it’s funny . . . and, it almost didn’t work out!)
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Matt Jacobson is a biblical marriage coach, founder of FaithfulMan.com a biblical marriage, parenting, and discipleship ministry providing written and audio teaching, as well as couples marriage coaching. He is also the creator of FREEDOM Course, an 8 session class, including a workbook, where he teaches men the biblical path to finding total victory from pornography and sexual sin. He is the co-host (with his wife, Lisa) of Faithful Life Podcast and is author of the bestseller, 100 Ways to Love Your Wife. Matt is pastor of Cline Falls Bible Fellowship and is married to Lisa, founder of Club31Women.com (they have 8 kids!).