You don’t need to manage your anger . . . not if you’re a Christian. Sounds a bit counterintuitive but where in the Bible are we told to manage our anger? We’re told to be angry but don’t sin. We’re told that we’re fools when we give full vent to our anger. We’re told not to allow the sun to go down on our anger but, manage our anger? No. Anger management is the name of a mediocre movie, not a verse in the Bible.
The truth is, managing anger is like living with a tiger in your house. You really shouldn’t. You should just get rid of him because, while you may be able to avoid him by hiding, skirting around that room he’s in, or some other evasive tactic, sooner or later, you’re guard is going to slip and . . . dinner time!
This is exactly what is happening to so many marriages. They’re being devoured and dismembered by angry outbursts. In the heat of the moment, we tell ourselves that we were justified, but that’s not much of a consolation when the heart of our wife is a little more closed off to us after we’ve let off the steam again. For that matter, the same happens to the heart of a husband, he just wouldn’t put it in those terms. Don’t be deceived. If angry outbursts are part of your marriage culture, your husband is closing his heart to you.
Many Christian couples forget that angry outbursts have another name: Sin. When we get a biblical perspective on angry outbursts, we come to realize that living with a tiger in the house isn’t just unwise, it’s wrong and, where sin remains, destruction always follows.
Angry outbursts destroy everything they touch. Never forget, you’re not a victim of your anger. If you are a Christian, the Word is clear, you may be tempted to give full vent to your flesh but (do you remember the verse?) . . .There has no temptation taken you but such as is common to man . . . but, God is faithful . . . he won’t allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear . . . and, you’re a winner before you start because he will, with the temptation, also provide you a way to escape so you can triumph in the situation – MLJV paraphrase (MattLeonardJacobsonVersion) of 1 Corinthians 10:13 ← Memorize this verse in a trustworthy translation!
You’re not weak. You’re strong. You can say no to anger. Repent of this sin. Say no to living with the tiger. Anger is a choice you have complete control over. Protect the heart of your wife/husband . . . and walk in righteousness. The marriage God designed you to enjoy hangs in the balance.
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Every one of us has tremendous power to either build others up or tear them down through the words we speak every day, and nowhere is this more evident than in our marriages.
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Matt Jacobson is a biblical marriage coach and founder of FaithfulMan.com a biblical marriage, parenting, and discipleship ministry providing written and audio teaching, as well as couples marriage coaching. He is the co-host (with his wife, Lisa) of Faithful Life Podcast and is author of the bestseller, 100 Ways to Love Your Wife. Matt is pastor of Tumalo Bible Fellowship and is married to Lisa, founder of Club31Women.com (they have 8 kids!).