8 Things Every Daughter Needs To Hear From Her Dad

8 Things Every Daughter Needs To Hear From Her Dad
September 19, 2013 Matthew L. Jacobson

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Being given a daughter is a sacred trust, but the world doesn’t care about that.

And, it will happen.  

Your daughter’s self-perception is going to be influenced by something and/or by someone.

Do you want it to be Vogue or Cosmo magazine? How about the advertisements in the windows of the Victoria Doesn’t Have Any Secrets store? Of course not! This world has no business providing perspective for the children of The King.

Why does your daughter have you for her father? Because God knew exactly what He was doing. He strategically placed “Dad” in her life so she would get her information about who she is and how she is valued from the right place.

There are eight things every daughter needs to hear from her dad. Some of them are pretty basic . . . so basic, we seldom, if ever, say them. But, that can change today.

She needs to hear:

1) I love you.

She needs to know she doesn’t have to perform or measure up to some arbitrary standard to receive your love and approval. She is (should be) loved because she is there, in your life – just like God loves us.

2) You are beautiful.

The world won’t tell her this . . . not without an ulterior motive. Mostly, the world will tell her she isn’t beautiful, doesn’t measure up, is too this, or not enough that, etc. And, it’s never too late to start. I once heard a dying man say to his 60 yr. old daughter, “You’re so beautiful,” for the first time! Oh, how she loved hearing those words!

But, it’s best to begin when she’s young. Provide her with the truth. “You’re a beautiful young girl/woman.” Your daughter needs to hear this and she will find someone who will tell her so, why not make the search to hear these words unnecessary? And, be sure to tell her often.

3) You are a wonderful person and I like being with you.

Every good man wants his daughter to be secure and to have a grounded self-esteem. One powerful way this happens is when you communicate in word and actions that you want your daughter to be with you. Need to go to the hardware store? “Hey sweet girl, I’d sure love it if you came with me.”

4) I’m there for you.

Where will she go when life closes in on her? To that place where a lecture awaits or to that safe place where a loving heart listens with sincere interest to her tangled yarn ball of anxieties and troubles? Without a word, you’re telling her that you are there, will always be there, and that you care. Every daughter needs to experience that loving silence.

5) I will protect you.

A young woman has honor and dignity and will maintain these things if they are protected. The world would strip them away in an instant. The good father communicates to his daughter that her honor and dignity are safe with him. He will defend them, regardless of the cost.

6) I will provide for you.

It’s easy to get our needs and our wants confused, so this can be challenging but tell your daughter you will do all in your power to provide for her needs. Life can throw men some strong “curve balls”. Life can be challenging and when that happens, your daughter needs to know that you’ll go without to provide for her. In so doing, you’re showing her the kind of man she should marry.

7) God loves you.

“Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God,” the Bible says. Our daughters need to hear the truth from us . . . God loves them. We need to tell them this amazing news.

8) God has given you many special abilities/gifts to fulfill a special purpose. Your life has meaning.

Your daughter needs to hear that she is special – that God has created her as a unique individual who is designed to glorify Him with the many wonderful abilities and gifts that He has given to her.

When your lifestyle embodies these vital messages, a daughter grows in her trust and security in you and in the God you’ve been telling her about all these years.

How have you communicated these things to your girls?

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27 Comments

  1. Glen Baxtermeister 1 year ago

    You lost me when God was brought up. smh

  2. Rc 1 year ago

    You had me right up until the religious nonsense.

  3. Linda 2 years ago

    My exhusband left when my kids were 3 and 6 and broke all ou hearts. We would have done anything to make him stay. Since then I have raised them on my own (they visit him every 2nd weekend) and I see how much of their Father they are missing, especially in the area of spiritual guidance sinse their Dad rejected his faith. My daugher will be turning 13 very soon and she faces so many challenges… I pray I can be enough for her to face these years ahead. I have finally met a lovely Christian man and we hope to marry next year.. which means he will have more influence on her as her step dad. We take this very seriously, and hope he can be a positive influence for both my kids, a father figure, and a role model. I know there will be lots of challenges, but am praying for wisdom as we move ahead. Thank you for you words in this articule… all 8 points have so much power!

  4. Those are so true. My father told me those as a child and at the time, it didn’t always impact me but looking back, I was so blessed to have a dad that actually told me that he loved me.

  5. Heather B 3 years ago

    I agree wholeheartedly. Great post! Our girls need to find their identities in God and it starts with Daddy! Building into them can’t start to soon, and the daddy/daughter relationship is so critical. We’ve been reading a great new, actually renewed, book that aligns with what you are saying so well. Great for all dads of daughters. We’re loving it, so I have to share… It’s called “She Calls Me Daddy: 7 Things You Need to Know About Building a Complete Daughter,” by Robert Wolgemuth. Originally released in the 90s, it was a best seller. His girls are grown up and give their own input along with their husbands who are daddies to girls. I understand 40% of the book is new material. It’s so unique in this way. Robert puts the anxieties of Daddy raising his girl(s) to rest, guiding you through challenges and good times – protecting, conversation, affection, discipline, laughter, faith, conduct. So great for helping daddies learn to lead, love and cherish. I highly recommend it!

    • Matthew Jacobson 3 years ago

      Thanks for your kind words, Heather, and for your recommendation. Robert Wolgemuth is the real deal!

  6. STACY 3 years ago

    wONDERFUL ARTICLE, i WOULD JUST ADD SOMETHING LIKE “dON’T BE AFRAID TO SHOW HOW SMART AND INDEPENDENT YOU ARE”. I LOVE WHEN MY HUSBAND ENCOURAGES THESE QUALITIES IN OUR DAUGHTER.

    • Matthew Jacobson 3 years ago

      Interesting comment Stacy. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. How do your thoughts meld with the requirement of every Christian to be dependent on Jesus Christ (Abide in me. Without me you can do nothing) and with the interconnectedness required of true believers? We are to see ourselves as connected and interdependent – needing and relying on each other. The image used in the Scriptures to illustrate this is “The Body of Christ.” We are described as an interdependent body – the subject/teaching of 1 Corinthians 12:12 – 31

  7. Debbie 4 years ago

    Your article blessed me. I am a woman who was not raised by my biological father and it has had a great effect on me, but in reading your post I feel more inspired, keep writing on how Dad’s see girls, how they communicate and what they do. It is interesting a gives us a vantage point that some of us may not have ever seen. I hope you write more.

    Thanks.

    Debbie

    • MJAdmin 4 years ago

      Thank you, Debbie, for your kinds words of encouragement. God Bless you . . . Jehovah, God, the Father to the fatherless. Psalm 68:5

  8. Rosa 4 years ago

    We were at the zoo and it was very hot and we were all very tired. My husband found a nice shaded area for his girls (our two daughters and myself) to sit. He went and bought us some ice cream and my youngest said “mom, you did a great job you picked the best daddy for us”. Honestly, every time I see my husband with our girls, it’s like reliving my childhood. Even though my father has passed over 20 years I still hear all his wonderful words to me.

    • MJAdmin 4 years ago

      What a beautiful testimony, Rosa. Thanks for sharing.

  9. MJAdmin 4 years ago

    Dear Ivy, Thanks for writing. You’ve done an amazing thing, raising a daughter by yourself. I’m sending a link to my wife’s site where you will find articles on her relationship with our daughters. I hope you find encouragement there: http://club31women.com

  10. ivy aikens 4 years ago

    i am a single mom and always have been my daughter is now 23 but she will always be my baby, i just wish there were saying about mothers and daughters, not only fathers and daughters. my daughters name is vanessa rivera and i love her more than anything in this world. the only thing i can say i love more than her is our father up in heaven. thank you for this opportunity

  11. Miranda L 4 years ago

    Love! My hubby & I have been blessed with 2 beautiful daughters and this is what we both needed to read today! Our daughters our young but they know daddy loves them forever and always. It melts this mama’s heart when I hear my 3 year old say “Daddy is a good man! He loves his girls!” You betcha he does baby, and he would do anything for us!

    • MJAdmin 4 years ago

      Sounds like we may need to clone your husband! The world needs more dads like him. God bless you all.

  12. MJAdmin 4 years ago

    Dear Terrie,
    God brings us through some deep water. My heart goes out to you. But, even when life hits you hard, you are not alone. Psalm 68:5 says God is “A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, is God in his holy habitation.” When we turn to God and receive His grace for the path He has chosen for us, He fills in where we lack. God watches over your girls and from what you wrote, you have done a fantastic job communicating to them these important truths. It sounds like they are thriving. Congratulations, Mom! There are some who couldn’t give a report as you can. God bless you.

  13. terrie Sprinkel 4 years ago

    what happens when they do not have a father ?? My daugther’s lost their father to cancer when they were 13 and 15 years old. I have spent the last 6 years telling them all of the above…… I do not know if it helps or if it makes a difference if told from the mom instead of the dad. HOWEVER, they are both thriving, independent, responsible women. One is 20 and one is 18. They both attend the same college and they share an apartment. They work full time, go to college full time, one has a boyfriend, one doesn’t. They haven’t had any legal problems, they pay their bills and they are just really good kids. I KNOW that all of those things need to be said to them and instilled in them, I just hope that by not having their father around to say it, that they won’t be lacking in their character. It’s so hard to sometimes know how they will develop and perceive themselves.

  14. MJAdmin 4 years ago

    Thanks for sharing, Alex. That’s the great thing about tomorrow – His mercies are new every morning. God bless you.

  15. Alex Johnson 4 years ago

    My youngest daughter is many-many miles away from me and going thru quite a few tribulations. Each day that I am able to make contact with her is important. Yet in several weeks of communications I have failed to relate to her those 7 special remarks. Thank you…

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