Married? Should His/Her Wish Be Your Command?

How did something about your spouse that you thought was ‘cute’ when you were dating become the thing he/she does (on purpose!) to annoy you? And then there are all of those endless preferences . . .  

‘He is so picky! I don’t see why it’s so important to heat the coffee cup before the coffee goes in. It’s inconvenient and, frankly, a waste of time.’

‘Why does she get so worked up when I leave my shoes in the living room?’

Should his/her wish really be your command?

Small, simple things, actually . . . but those “small” things can become mountains of frustration and distance in a marriage, can’t they? Has this happened – is this happening – in your marriage?

On one level, your spouse’s preferences aren’t important at all. If he/she gets all or none of them, life will still go on. But when it comes to growing deep in relationship, your spouse’s preferences matter deeply– not because having or not having them fundamentally changes anything, but because of what your care in providing them is saying loudly, without words.

There’s always a powerful message in your level of service to each other.

When you take a step back, it’s easy to see that “picky” is really about “perspective”. In and of themselves, most preferences are no big deal. Please close the bathroom door all the way when you come out. Make sure the garage door is closed when you leave. Would you not set your briefcase on the bed? But when we allow them to become the “annoying” “silly” “inconvenient” “unnecessary” “frustrating” demands of our spouse, they take on a whole new power – the power to degrade your marriage relationship and begin the process of driving a wedge between each other.

Should his/her wish be your command? Is that really a part of a healthy marriage? You’re asking the wrong question with a wrong focus. It’s not about losing your identity. It’s about building a better marriage.

How can you turn that small thing that became a big negative in your marriage into an even bigger positive? It’s really so simple and you can make the change today. This is our topic on the current episode of FAITHFUL LIFE podcast, Marriage Weekend Edition. Join the conversation!